1. Virginia, what is your debut book, Snowed, about?

The book is about a man that I fell deeply in love with and married. He was charismatic, attractive, smart, and as I would later find out a sociopath.

2. What inspired you to share your story?

I wanted to help other women who were in a pathological love relationship to identify psychopathic traits, deception, and emotional manipulation, how to end the relationship, and how to heal from it.

3. Do you fear retribution from your ex-husband?

Yes, I do. He was a con artist to the nth degree and a charismatic sociopath. He prided himself in being perfect and any mistakes in his life were not made by him but by others to him. If he were to be exposed to others as to who he really was, that would enrage him. Even though he always made the appearance of being laid back and calm and cool under pressure.

4. You fell into a relationship with someone you eventually came to know, and realize was a pathological liar. In reflecting back, were there warning signs that you missed or ignored?

The first lie, that was my warning, and I missed it. White lies, small lies, big lies, they are all lies. A lie is a lie.

5. It’s hard to see the negatives when you are in love, isn’t it?

Yes, it is very hard to see any negativity when in love. That dopamine in our brain is so strong. It is at this very point in the beginning of a relationship when one has nothing to lose, before their heart gets any deeper in love, that a person should pay close attention to the things that this new love interest is saying, as well as saying and not doing.

6. What should women do when they see that the man they are with is not who they thought he was?

If they are a sociopath, they need to walk, actually run - away. They do not need to apologize, nor do they do not need to give any explanation to the man. The less they say the better. Because this is the type of man that has an answer for everything. You will get yourself in an unending loop and only make this type of man more determined to not let you go because his fear of losing control over you will kick in. Control is the name of his game.

7. What advice do you have for the millions of women in an unhealthy relationship?

Don’t wait for something to change. You cannot change a sociopath. You must get out.

8. In your case, you weren’t a naïve teen-ager but a 40ish, divorced woman who successfully helped run a large family farm and cattle ranch. What was it about Liam, a good-looking and charismatic guy, that lured you in to his world?

The irony of that is that, he transformed himself into everything that he thought I would be attracted to and desired, and was interested in. He was a master of disguise.

9. What does your book’s title mean?

Maybe the word was used back in the 70’s more than it is now, but it always referenced being duped by someone. If a person gets “Snowed”, they have been deceived, hoodwinked, or swindled, or persuaded completely without notice until its already done and usually by a charming smooth unassuming individual.

10. Were there some good memories and great times during your relationship?

I would say there were good memories on a couple of road trips across the Southern States and the Midwest, but only because the scenery was so spectacular and the history I found interesting. Once I traumatically realized that his love and relationship with me was staged, I blocked out of my mind what I used to think were wonderful times. I have shut it out, because it wasn’t real. For me, something that isn’t real is not the truth, therefore, it cannot have value, and I had to forget about the time together. It was all a lie.

11. Was he ever physically abusive? Did he still leave scars?

One time physically in an intimate setting that I won’t go in to detail here. It shocked and scared me, but we were already married and at that time I sort of ignored it. I think I did that because it was so scary. But I didn’t forget about it. The emotional scars were extremely painful. The financial abuse has also left me not as eager to help others quickly. I have helped others, but not without still the twinge and sting of PTSD.

12. Was it hard for you to trust in and love another man after that experience?

Yes, very hard. I actually told myself that I would never be in a relationship again. The experience was just too painful. It has been 11 years, and never say never, because I have reconnected with a good friend from high school. We had a lot of fun together back then, he took me to the prom, and we shared a lot of things in common. It wasn’t a romantic relationship back then but to my cautious surprise I have been able to trust again.

13. How can people become less emotionally dependent on others while still engaging in a deeply loving relationship?

By believing in yourself and believing that you are an important and valuable human being. Also having other things and interests to partake in helps with balance in a relationship. Things that might complement your relationship, not take it over, but complement it.

14. Your husband was always asking for money. Wasn’t this a strong sign that something was wrong?

At the beginning of the requests, he explained that he gave each of his ex-wives’ money plus used money to buy back each one’s half of the house. Having been through a divorce myself, I know how costly it is, and no one wins. Even if one spouse is awarded money, in a divorce I feel no one wins. Liam asked me for money a couple of months before we were married and then when we got married. He always had a good reason, or it seemed so at the time, and each time he said he would pay me back when he received a settlement from a lawsuit that he had against his previous employer. At that point in our relationship, I had no reason not to believe that he wouldn’t pay me back. My compassion, and love for Liam trumped my inner feeling that this wasn’t right - the repetitive requests that went on and on, but I wanted to believe him, protect him, save him. Isn’t that crazy?

15. What do you hope readers will learn and think about after reading your absorbing and engaging story?

When things don’t seem right, question it. I grew up with the philosophy that people have good intentions and are trusting until proven otherwise, but since my traumatic experience with a sociopath, I have been more cautious. I still trust people, but I verify. I would like people to know that no matter how disheartened we become in situations that cause us grief, and despair, help is out there, do not think you are alone. There are some very exceptional organizations that are highly trained in pathological love relationships. Here are two: www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com and www.verbalabuse.com Never be afraid to ask for help, even if money is not available, they will work something out. Your safety, emotionally and physically, is the most important thing.